What About ME?

Not everyone sees Christmas as a joyful time, and some can feel stressed to breaking point.
Did you read this and think “what about me?” Who is gentle with me and appreciative of my giving? When was the last time someone expressed their gratitude for all that I do? Why am I always the one who organises the lunches, or makes the phone call? Why doesn’t anyone try to understand me? What about me?
For many people in the role of caregiver, nurturing becomes a habit. Friends and family become USED to this person looking after everything. One day that person wakes up feeling ‘USED’. This can sometimes end badly, with a defiant explosion of feeling on both sides. Only moments ago, everything seemed ok and now the relationship is in crisis. What happened?
Its time to STOP. Reset, recharge, and redefine the rules. This doesn’t have to end badly. There must be a better system.
We think we know what others want and when we give this to them, we might (not unreasonably) expect appreciation. Not only have we made a guess about what someone else is thinking (or what they want), but we have also placed our own demands on others by expecting a certain type of response. Maybe that person didn’t want your help at all, or they felt you were meddling instead of helping, or perhaps they thought that you would enjoy the activity they asked you to help with, or perhaps they were oblivious to what you did for them, or a hundred other permutations of what the other person might have thought. You can’t know what they are thinking so the only logical way to resolve the feelings you are having about this activity is not to worry about what the other person might be thinking. The way forward is to work on SELF.
There is a fine line between SELFISH and MY SELF. Sometimes we perceive an act of self-nurturing to be selfish. However, as they tell us in the aircraft, you must put your own oxygen mask on first. It is easy to tell ourselves that we don’t have time for our self-care. We can convince ourselves that our service, meeting our perceived demands from others, is fulfilling us. However, if the wheels of happiness start to fall off, its time to look inwards to the axles holding them on, not to those around us creating a rocky road.
Mindfulness, Meditation and Yoga gives us the tools for self care. They teach self reflection and compassion. They can generate a new perspective on our relationship with our self and with others. They help us to take pleasure and to love. If you would like more joy and harmony in your life, why not try it?
  CLEAR AND CALM RETREAT – Bali 26 September – 3 October 2020.